Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
