Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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