i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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