Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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