saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
