When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
