I bet he comes in French.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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