Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(985): View more from Louisiana

i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou

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(631): View more from New York

his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...

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(916): View more from California

You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...

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(706): View more from Georgia

Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.

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(419): View more from Ohio

At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd

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