update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
