i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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