My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize
