I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
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Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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