just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
