The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
