I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
