Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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