I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
