i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
