listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
