you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
