There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You've changed since you got that strap on
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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