yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
