C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
