4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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