And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
