Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize