Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
