I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
