remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
