As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
