He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
