I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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