i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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