I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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