So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
