I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
