so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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