quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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