just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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