I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
