ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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