I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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