:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Only a mothe r could love this liver
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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