I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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