Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize