lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
