the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
