seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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