so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard