The best revenge is premature balding
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
