Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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