She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
