Your tits are I can't wait for
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He did a backflip because drugs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
