Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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