its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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