i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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