did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
