My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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