Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
