They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
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Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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